Hitting my limit…

Had a major meltdown a little over week ago. Part of it was PMS the other part was me hitting my limit and finally blowing my top.

That’s how I roll by the way, I take it and take it and take it until finally I freak out or melt down or just generally explode.

So it was the perfect storm of events that caused the meltdown…partially hubby’s lack of stepping in to take over parenting to so I get a break now and again; partially me having to step in and not only to watch my own kids, but other people’s kids as well; partially fatigue/PMS from a day and a summer of constant activity; and partially the frustration of falling out of touch with what used to be some of my closest friends.

So following a full afternoon of luau birthday party, we head to a friend’s annual party, just to make an appearance. I say hello to my friends, chat for a minute or two then get pulled over to push little man on the swing. So I don’t get to talk to anyone. Eventually he gets off the swing and I get to chat for a few minutes more, but then get pulled back to push him on the swing again. At this point, all my friends and hubby disappear to the garage for snacks and leave me to watch the kids. The older one is fine, but the younger is playing on the big playscape which isn’t so safe for kids under 5, and he’s playing with another little boy (same age) with a penchant for pushing and punching. This kid’s parents are no where in sight and don’t come to check on him for at least 40 min. So I’m abandoned with no option for escape for the majority of our time at the party.

I had had enough. I found hubby told him I was ready to go, cried in the bathroom a little when he asked me what was wrong, pulled myself together a little and we left. The crying continued when I got home. Did my best to explain to hubby why I was upset and he promised he’d step it up some, but that I needed to ask for help too. I agreed.

Anyhow, the whole watching other people’s kids thing has been bugging me just about all summer. No matter where we go, the park, the pool, the water park, the indoor playplace, people have no idea where their kids are and what they’re doing.

Okay, don’t think I’m Miss Anal Retentive or anything, with my own two boys I have a fair idea of what is just “kids being kids” and what is mean spirited inappropriate behavior. I don’t step in unless there is a serious chance of injury or my kids are beyond dealing with it themselves.

Just about everywhere we went this summer I found myself keeping my kids in line and because my kids were playing with other kids, keeping their kids in line too.  Just a few examples:

Water park: Older kids were purposely getting little kids to go one after the other on the kiddie slide so they’d all crash into each other at the bottom. I talked to the older kids after lifeguard totally ignored what was happening and they still didn’t listen, so had to make another lifeguard reprimand the kids after they continued to do it.

Indoor Playplace: Two kids were bullying my kid, pushing him and others and thought it was funny. Watched it go on for 20 min after coaching my kid on the different options he had to handle it. He exhausted every option and ended up with me finally having to talk to the two kids because mind had hit his limit and had one of them cornered and looked seriously like he wanted to kill. We left shortly thereafter, but not after the two kids found someone else to bully.

Playscape: Kids using sticks as swords and poking at eyes and face, throwing woodchips and pushing kids off the top of the slide. We found somewhere else to play.

Where are these kids parents?? I don’t understand how these parents can let this shitty behavior persist! I am by no means a perfect parent, but I’m present. Being a parent is tough, there is no tougher job, but you can’t give up! Even if they are at an age where they can watch out for themselves, you still have a duty to know what they’re doing and make sure there are consequences for poor choices or behavior.

Not sure why exactly this struck such a nerve with me this year. Maybe it’s because I know I’m raising my kids to be accountable for their actions and these kids are running willy nilly without consequence. These are the kids that will grow up to be the assholes I encounter daily, that think the rules don’t apply to them and that they are entitled to anything they want another’s expense. IT PISSES ME OFF!!

Advertisements
Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Day one done…

So I made it through the kick-off portion of the 90 Day Weight Loss Challenge. It wasn’t as organized as I had hoped, but its the first time they’ve done it so I guess I can cut them a little slack. My goal is to lose 30 lbs in 90 days- that’s 10lbs a month which for me is reasonable when I really stick to my plan.

They gave out some good information on nutrition and other programs they offered, but it almost seemed like a ploy to get people to sign up for personal training. I felt like a lot of these people were on their way to failing already if they only used the packets of photo copied exercises. I flipped through it and to someone who has done boot camp before, it didn’t seem easy to understand to me. So with 200+ people signed up, I guess I should be happy if they fail because that’s better chance for me to win! Really it just makes me feel sorry for people who don’t have the knowledge that I do and I hope they seek and take advantage of the help that is offered.

There was a guy in line in front of me and he tried to chat me up a few times, talking about protein shakes and vitamins. It was apparent he knew very little. I told him I was taking Vitamin D as a supplement and he looked confused that I would do that. He proceeded to tell me that that you can get D from just being exposed to the sun. Yeah, no shit honey. Guess what, it’s not enough for most people. Not that I’m an expert and it seems what’s good for you changes on a daily basis anyway.

It took me like an hour to get through the gauntlet that was the check in process- half of my time being spent waiting in line to get weighed in and my picture taken. After that I only had an hour left to work out, so I ran a little, worked out my upper body and then headed home.

After that I ate, showered and headed out to donate blood. It’s been a few months since I donated and I try to get in as frequently as they allow you to. It feels good to help, knowing that I may have saved someone’s life. It’s so easy and and doesn’t take much time at all, I wish more people would do it!

That’s all for today!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Here I go again…

…on my get healthy, weight loss journey. I have been so unmotivated to do much this year and here it is August already! Before I know it, the boys will be back in school and then it will be Christmas and the New Year will be beginning! Where does the time go?

My gym is kicking off a 90 day weight loss challenge tomorrow and I have signed up. Like I said before, I’ve been so unmotivated, so I hope that a little competition will do me good. It’s not like I don’t know what I have to do to lose weight and be healthy, but for whatever reason I’m having a hard time sticking with it.

Sounds like we’ll have a workout program assigned to us, we’ll get to talk to trainers and go to nutritional meetings, have a midpoint weigh in and at the end, a final weigh in. You set your goal and get some kind of prize if you meet it. I think you get something bigger if you lose the most at your club though too. Not sure of all the prizes, but I heard something about money towards a trainer and a free year of membership, I would be happy with either!!

I’ve already decided to go back with my trainer for fall and winter anyway, so this will be a jump start to get my butt in gear. I liked the accountability that came with the trainer and also the pushing me to stretch my limits, which is not something I do very well.

As far as racing goes, I think I might be done for the season, for Triathlons anyway. There were a couple I was interested in that are now sold out. So unless I find something really late season, I think I’m done. Besides, I’m trying to focus on mountain biking because I’ve signed up for a Mtn bike race in October.

I’ve slacked on bike training in the past, mostly because it’s hard to get outside on my bike regularly. But it wasn’t too problematic as getting to spinning class regularly would be enough training for me. Moutain biking is a whole different thing though. You have to be able to traverse different kinds of terrain, maneuver around trees and rocks and roots, make it up and down hills with all the afore mentioned. Needless to say it’s challenging and takes practice!

So last week I headed out to the local Mtn bike trail which ironically is where I do my outdoor triathlon training (riding my road bike, running and swimming). My friend T and her husband and another friend who are very familiar with the trail (they mountain bike A LOT) went with us to show T and I the ropes. I’ve ridden the trail before, but it’s been nearly 10 years. So we head out, the guys first, then T, then Me.

I’m following T closely since she’s ridden the trail a lot more recently than I. I should have known better. Before I knew it, she stopped at the top of this little hill- lost her footing or balance or something and stopped. The trail is single track so I had nowhere to go and I couldn’t unclip in time to stop so I just fell over. Falling over on the up part of a hill on your bike while you’re still clipped in is awkward. I was stuck there a minute before I could figure a way to unclip and untangle my legs from my bike. I wasn’t hurt and she and I had a good laugh about it.

I wiped out once more, again no big deal, I wasn’t following closely this time, but tried to make it up a sandy hill, when I gave up I couldn’t unclip in time to stand so tipped over into a bank of sand. No injury this time either. The next time T wasn’t so lucky. She went down a hill that was full of roots and rocks and ended up flying over her handlebars. She was riding her hubby’s old bike rather than her own and I think it has more suspension than hers. So she wasn’t used to the way it handled and it launched her off the bike. After that she was a little shaken and we ended up just heading back to their house.

So this week, I had hoped T would be healed from her injury- a possible minor dislocation of her shoulder or a tendon- and we could ride this week.  Her Dr. recommended she give it thru the weekend to heal, but besides that she had to be out of town for the day. So I debated skipping my ride, but manned up and just did it anyway.

Was a little freaked to do it on my own, but once I got on the trail I was fine. I rode it a hell of a lot slower than most, partly because we hadn’t even ridden the whole thing the week before, so I didn’t have anyone coaching me through it. I also rode it slowly because it was muddy as hell! Apparently some freak rainstorm came through and dumped about thirty minutes before I got there, though it was nothing but blue skies and sunshine all around. Whatever. Needless to say, I got muddy! Not quite Muddy Buddy muddy, but muddy enough!

I had fun riding, even by myself and felt empowered to have gotten through it without killing myself. It took me an hour and twenty minutes to finish it, but I did, even on my crappy old schwinn. I had some epiphanies about riding too while I was out there. Getting through the challenging technical parts- like going up a sandy hill with lots of obstacles or going down hill with lots of roots and rocks on a narrow trail with a drop off to your left, doesn’t take courage really, it takes commitment. You either have to stay on your bike and stay focused or get off and walk it, there is no inbetween. If you don’t commit to whatever the challenge is before you, your fear overcomes you and you doubt and falter, and next thing you know you’ve wiped out or careened down a hill. I’m not saying go balls out at every opportunity, there is finesse that is required on the technical parts, but I have to defer to yoda once again: “Do or do not. There is no try.” It’s so true!!

So enough of wisdom from fictional green men, like I had mentioned in the beginning, tomorrow is the kick off for the 90 day weight loss challenge. So I’m thinking I could really kick some butt in this challenge if I stick with my plan. So I’m planning on doing what I did last year (a year and a half ago really) and cut out all starchy carbs and sugar and stick with fruits, veggies, and lean meats. I’ve done it for 3 months before, I can do it again. Only this time, I’m going to make my goal.

I know what they say about moderation and not to deprive yourself…but doritos, pop, fast food, I don’t need any of that crap ever again…it’s not real food and my body doesn’t know what to do with it. I think I preached the whole food thing in my last blog, so you get where I’m coming from. I’ve already weeded out a lot of crap in my house and stocked it with fresh fruits and veggies, ready for snacking so I’ll have no excuses.

So kickoff is tomorrow and if I think of it, I’ll go ahead and blog about my experience when I have a minute!

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

getting sick is good…sometimes.

We are always so busy. All time must be scheduled or used or it ends up “wasted” somehow and lost, and we regret not having used our time more wisely.

That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy the occasional slack off moment or day here and there, and though I do have free unscheduled time, but it tends to be rather infrequent.

So getting stomach flu tends to put the stopper in all your plans and schedules and stops you in your tracks. It forces you sit your ass on the couch, ask for help doing things your 3 yo can do now and contemplate exactly how you came to be here, green around the gills sipping apple juice through a straw as you lay there watching “Invasion” reruns on SyFy channel. Not that you really had any hand in getting sick, shit happens right?

So I’ve had a few minutes to contemplate somethings…

  • My boys are awesome. Yes they can be loud and rambunctious, but they listen very well (most of the time) and are honestly really good boys. They can do so much for themselves and I look forward to seeing the young men they grow into. Beyond that, it still amazes me that 7 yo places so nicely with 3 yo (again, most of the time) and they haven’t driven me crazy even in the worst throes of my stomach flu.
  • There is a scene in the movie “Australia” where Hugh Jackman is shirtless and washing up by firelight, and he pours a thing of water over himself and tugs his pants a little lower for the briefest of moments, yeah, that makes me drool. I’d say he’s on my list, but you know, he seems like such a genuinely, nice guy, it would break my heart to think he’d ever cheat on his wife.
  • That both my mom and brother require a LOT of understanding. There is no excuse for bad behavior, but if you’re going through what they are, there has to be some understanding. That doesn’t mean I won’t be calling them on their shit though. Probably more my mom than my brother though.
  • Me being sick scares the crap out of my husband. God forbid I get something worse than flu and he’s required to do my job for longer than a week without help. He’d step up and do it, but he’d be miserable.
  • Food manufacturers are mostly evil. Never have I looked at more food labels and scratched my head wondering what language I was reading. What are we eating? Seriously? It isn’t food, that’s for sure. How can we expect to thrive or our kids to grow up healthy if we aren’t feeding them food? Or are feeding them mostly sugar? There is corn syrup (or high fructose corn syrup) in just about EVERYTHING- except for the fruits, veggies and meat in our house. WTF? How is this just coming to light for me now? I was overwhelmed at he grocery store yesterday, even just to pick up a few staple items like cereal, crackers and granola bars! We’re changing for the healthier slowly but surely!
  • I think I’ve decided to grow out my hair again.
  • I’m re-working the beginning of my book in what I hope is my final edit before I work on getting published.

I think that’s plenty for now, even though my mom just sent me an article with the title “Attention Disorders Can Take a Toll on Marriage” which means that she believes that either I, though more likely hubby has ADHD…this stemming from a discussion that he and I don’t always communicate effectively.

<sigh>

Did I say something about understanding before?

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Updates…

Updating y’all on my life since March, let’s see, I’ll try to get through this quickly…

April:

Did the Martian 10k and rocked it! Took like 4 min off my time from the last 10k I did the previous September. A week or so after that I pulled a muscle in my back and couldn’t run or lift, it was even a challenge to swim, to do flip turns anyway.

May:

Rest helped my back but jumped back into running too soon and pulled it again. Saw a Chiropractor who specializes in ART and athlete injuries and although there was nothing major going on according to X-Rays, she did some adjustments and it seemed to give me more mobility. So I stopped doing much of anything except for stretching because I didn’t want to re-injure pulled muscle before my cruise.

Mediterranean cruise was AWESOME!!! We hung out in Rome a few days then headed on our cruise to Sicily, Athens, Mykonos, Turkey, Rhodes, Santorini, and Naples. I’ll have to post photos another time, I’m disconnected from my external drive that holds such things! Anyhoo, had a GREAT time, ate and drank A LOT, gained 8 pounds and then proceeded to be in a funk of post cruise depression for like 2 weeks.

June:

I did two triathlons in two weeks and although I was tired, I’m glad I did them!

The first was motor city at Belle Isle in Detroit. I had planned to do the olympic distance, but due to pulling that muscle in my back and being off for like a month or so, I couldn’t keep up my training to be able to race that distance confidently. It was fun, even though I had to wear my 2 piece tri suit and the top kept riding up on the run because i didn’t lose the 20+  lbs I needed to, to wear it comfortably and I added 7 minutes to last years PR. Seriously though, I had fun, it felt nice not putting too much pressure on myself to race and just participate and cheer on my team.

Then was Big Fish, felt great on the swim and the first half of the bike, but that course is hilly and the last 3 miles are particularly tough. So needless to say, my legs were pretty much rubber for the run. But again, I finished and it was awesome to race with my friends and hang at the annual BBQ afterward.

July:

Did Muddy Buddy with my cousin, she brought her kids and, hubby brought our 7 yo to participate in the kids version. We had a great time doing the race and getting muddy and our outfits turned out great! We wore pink a pink tutu over our running shorts, striped knee socks and a paper crown on our helmets! Again, I’ll post pictures when I have time and am hooked up to my other drive.

This past week I’ve been at my mom’s. She had foot surgery two weeks ago and still can’t do some things around the house. So the boys and I came out for the week and ran her errands, walked her dog and cooked for her so she wouldn’t have to be on her feet so much. We’ve not butted heads much at all this week and I’ve actually enjoyed being here.

This morning however was the worst, 3 yo woke up around 3am throwing up for no apparent reason (we’re thinking it was the three hours we spent at the beach two days before where he swallowed a ton of lake water). Changed sheets, bathed kid, then lay him down only for him to puke again 5 min later. Change sheets, bathe kid, seems fine, lay him down, pukes again. Bathe kid, bring him downstairs to watch cartoons in sitting position with towel in lap. Pukes on and off a few more times into towel or blanket, we doze on and off for an hour until 6:30 when he decides he’s up.

Has some juice/water combo and some animal crackers and keeps it down. An hour later he’s asking for breakfast. Give him some dry cheerios, has a few then asks for eggs. Okay, not a reasonable request for anyone who has spent significant time puking, but he’s 3, and after an hour of asking and not puking the other stuff up, I scramble some eggs and make toast, thinking he’ll just eat the toast and skip the eggs even though they’re on the plate.

He eats the eggs, has more juice and seems fine. Never more than a low grade fever (100 or less) the whole time and now is gone. Asks for fruit loops two hours later and give him small bowl and decide we’re cool for the day. So trek to grocery store for my mom (shopping for her for the week since we’re leaving tomorrow) and we get there and I forget my list at her house. So I have to go back and the kids are whining that they’re thirsty and whatever, so I pull thru the drive through thinking I’ll get the 3 yo a juice and as we’re in the drive thru line he pukes all over the back seat of my car. Ew.

Dramatic 7 yo is threatening puking if we don’t get home fast and I am coaching him on breathing through his mouth while attempting to get through stupid construction gridlock, all the while listening to 3 yo cry and heave.

We make it back and clean him up and get him settled on the couch. Mom agrees to keep an eye on him so I can get out and do her shopping with 7 yo in tow. We get back and 3 yo is sleeping, ends up sleeping for like 4 hours straight!

So I sincerely he’s still tired enough to sleep through the night and really hope he’s done puking! Survived mostly on popcicles this afternoon, so there shouldn’t be anything solid to yack up anyway! Feeling exhausted and I am sure I will be crashing hard tonight.

On a completely different subject, mom has the new Jillian Michaels book about how to eat healthy and it was a real eye opener. I think I’ll be buying my own copy. Bottom line on the book is that because we eat so much processed food it messes with our hormones so our bodies don’t know how to maintain balance internally anymore, causing weight gain, and a host of other health problems.

I started looking at the labels of things I wouldn’t think twice about eating because it’s supposedly healthy and found so much stuff in it that I don’t even know what it is! If I don’t know what it is, why would I give my kids that to eat? I also read that food labels only have to record trans fat on a label if it’s over a certain amount, but even trace amounts cause serious risks to your health! So it may say Zero, but not really be Zero!

Also, it talks about glutamates. You know, like MSG, but there are a bunch of different kinds, it’s a flavor enhancer. Sometimes food companies will put 3 or more kinds into your food to keep you wanting more. Doritos have 4 different kind of glutamates in them and it keeps you coming back for more, whether you’re full or not. Or even the thought of it, your mouth starts watering and you get that craving for it. It’s addictive! I always knew I was “addicted” to some things and Doritos are certainly at the top of my list!

So what does this mean to us? It means eat whole foods, cook with whole foods. Make your own cookies, with real oats and sugar and eggs, don’t buy oreos. Or buy things that are made with whole ingredients. Eat 4 times a day and try to balance your meals with a combination of carbs, protein and fat.

According to Jillian, you shouldn’t have to kill yourself at the gym to look good, if you eat right and exercise moderately the weight will fall off. So I’m thinking I’ll be transitioning my kitchen this week. Slowly getting rid of the chips, fruit snacks, crackers, and non-food items in my house and replace with whole food.

Some things that will change: 1)More cooking! That will get old, so I’ll have to make extra and freeze for future use. 2)More trips to the grocery each week, as fruits and veggies perish more quickly than shelved items. 3)Possibly a bigger grocery bill as we’ll be opting for more health concious processed items that will cost more. But Jillian points out, would you rather spend that money now on a healthy life or on Diabetes, Blood pressure or cholesterol medication?

So we’ll see how that works, the kids will whine a bit I’m sure, but hubby will be the hard one to transition because he generally doesn’t put much effort into planning ahead for meals or snacks for himself though there is no reason for him not to, but his pure laziness in that area. That and he is not one to eat fruits or veggies. His choice I guess.

So that’s all for now, I’ll try to give more updates on this whole eating better thing!

Other than that, the only for sure thing on my calendar coming up is Peak 2 Peak, a mountain bike race coming up in October. I’m nervous about it and seriously need to start training on my mountain bike!! YIKES!  I will be picking out another tri or two to do this season, though I really am not willing ot commit to anything right now. Oh well, such is my blase season!

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Sucker for romance…

I love romance, I love romantic movies, love stories, novels, anything romantic. Not sure what it is exactly that draws me to it, but I drown myself in it as often as I can. Yes it can be cheesy at times, but hey, it makes me feel good, and what’s so bad about that?

I watched “P.S. I Love You” today and I love that movie. Not a huge fan of Hilary Swank, but I must admit I am a little smitten with Gerard Butler. I love that he loves her no matter how uptight and bitchy she gets, he sees past it and really loves her. The memories she has of when they first met, their first kiss and later falling in love again.

It’s the beginning of the romance I think that does it for me. Seeing eachother from a distance, catching a gaze and being aware of each other’s movements. The breathlessness that occurs when a new couple gets close, the anticipation of the first kiss, first caress, first tenderly spoken “I love you”. Getting to know eachother and dropping the shields we use to protect ourselves on a daily basis. The longing you feel until the next meeting, a first night together. A new romance blossoming into a “meant to be together” kind of relationship, where he would give his life for her and she would do the same.

<sigh>

I’m so ga ga for this stuff I can’t stop reading or writing it. I stopped to think about why, why I get so into it, and it’s just maybe living vicariously through a fantasy that I would or could never experience. Not that I want to, though. The stories I read and write are so chock full of drama, I’d be exhausted living through that! I’m just not cut out for too much drama, I like the expected, the predictable, the stability of knowing what is going to happen. I don’t mind the spontaneous thing thrown in here and there, but for the most part I like the day to day routine.

Anyhoo, if you feel like you need some escapist romance here’s a list of some of my favorite books and movies in that category that I’ve read and watched over and over again:

Books:

  • the Twilight series by Stephanie Meyer
  • Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon
  • House of Night Series by P.C. and Kristen Cast
  • The Princess Bride by William Goldman

Movies:

  • the Twilight Series
  • P.S. I Love You
  • The Princess Bride
  • Bridget Jones’s Diary
  • Never Been Kissed
  • 10 Things I Hate About You
  • Australia
  • Out of Africa
  • Tristan & Isolde
  • Romeo & Juliet

I’m sure there are plenty of others out there I’ve seen or read and forgotten at this moment, but this is what I can think of for now.

So here’s to all the other hopeless romantics out there, you’re not alone, I’ll be crying and sighing over love lost and love found for the rest of my life I’m sure!

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

Being good…

So yeah, we got our team kits in.

Just as I’d feared I’m going to look a fool in mine (or at least be uncomfortable in it) unless I seriously drop some poundage. Yeah, yeah, story of my life, I’m whining about my weight again. I’ve been exercising, as always, but still not eating right. It’s key to eat right people. Key.

I know how to eat right and can even eat right for extended periods of time, like months. But whenI stop, it’s like a freaking avalanche of bad eating and I eat everything I love: Doritos, Mountain Dew, hot chocolate from Caribou Coffee, pancakes, Taco Bell, McDonalds, all bread, cookies, ice cream, etc. That’s how I gained back the 30lbs I lost last year. I was within 15lbs of my goal and missed it. And now I’m back to having 55lbs left to lose. ARGH!!!!

Apparently I’m no good eating this crap in moderation, like most people can and do, so I have to stop competely. So that’s what I’ve done. Today. So I’m all pissy and whiny and complaining about it. Feel free to stop reading now because no one want to hear me complain about being fat because I eat crap.

It’s not simply about looking good in my tri suit. It’s also about wanting to look/feel good on the Cruise we’re leaving on in 62 days. I don’t want to have to buy a whole new wardrobe for that trip. It’s also about being able to compete in my events and feeling good about it. So as much as I don’t want to change my eating habits, it’s such a pain to actually think about what I’m eating, I have to. I know I will feel so much better after even only a week, and after two I shouldn’t have any more cravings. Day by day before then though, is not fun.

Waa Waa Waa!

<sigh>

So I think I’m back to documenting everything again. I’ll be measuring everything tomorrow – on my body- and documenting exercise  and food intake as well. I won’t be eating anything with white flour or lots of sugar or adding sugar to anything. Its pretty much going to be lean protein, veggies and rice. Yikes.

So wish me luck, i’ll be whiny and cantankerous this week, sorry about that, it is what it is.

Bye for now.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment